The Pregnancy Acceptability Scale
Although some people have clear, unchanging feelings about getting pregnant / being a parent, many people find this topic to be complicated! The pregnancy acceptability scale is one way to explore, track, and get curious about your feelings around pregnancy & parenting. The scale starts at 0 (definitely don’t want to be pregnant) and goes to 10 (definitely do want to be pregnant) with 5 as the middle point (not actively trying to get pregnant or to avoid, possibly open to pregnancy but also maybe not).
Uses
Considering where you fall on the pregnancy acceptability scale can be useful for many reasons, including:
Validate how pregnancy / parenting isn’t always a straightforward decision
Put language / structure to complicated & emotionally charged feelings
Help clarify wants / needs within oneself and in conversations with a partner/s
Help determine when / how to use different pregnancy prevention tools or fertility support / treatments
Challenges
Even when we feel clear(ish) about pregnancy we may still face challenges. For folks at the low end there can be shame / guilt around unexpected pregnancy—but know that no birth control is 100% effective and using emergency contraception or getting an abortion is completely valid for any reason. It’s also important to note that folks at the high end can face barriers too—especially those who don’t have all the necessary components to make a baby in their relationship/s. And if you’re somewhere in between on the scale it’s also valid to not have big feelings one way or the other!
Changes
Your location on the scale is not locked in for all eternity! Many people find that it shifts (sometimes day to day!) depending on what else is going on in their life and in the world around them, for instance: how close they feel to their partner/s, what is happening politically, current career goals or options, finances, where someone is in their cycle (libido / interest in pro-creating can be higher around ovulation due to different hormone levels), health and access to healthcare, how supported someone feels in their family / community, etc. What other reasons affect where you’re at on the scale? How often does it shift for you? There’s no wrong answer!
Resources
The decision of whether or not to become a parent can be complicated! Here are some books that might support your personal decision making process:
Queer Conception by Kristin L. Kali
Motherhood by Sheila Heti
And Now We Have Everything by Meghan O’Connell
The Panic Years by Nell Frizzell
Regretting Motherhood by Orna Dornath
Reproductive Justice: An Introduction by Loretta J. Ross & Rickie Solinger
Take a moment to consider where you land on the pregnancy acceptability scale today.
How do you know? What do you feel in your body when you think about this question? What other reasons (like the ones listed above) affect where you’re at on the scale?
If feeling into your body this way feels like a challenge (here or in other areas of your life), consider somatic support!
Somatic (basically just a fancy word for body) support includes creating space for noticing what we feel in our bodies. It sounds simple, but how often do we actually take the time to notice if we’re too hot, too cold, need to eat / drink / pee? How often do we find our leg has fallen asleep because we were sitting in a funky way for too long without noticing? How often do we make a decision and then later go meh, that wasn’t actually what I wanted? It’s hard work to have a body in our face paced disconnected world, and somatic support offers a set of tools to help us come back to our animal bodies in ways that feel safe & sustainable. You deserve good support!